on this day eight years ago...

12 hours of labouring

i sucked so hard on that gas inhaler

that my eyes almost popped out

we (finally) got to 9.5cms

i almost got to deliver my first baby

the 'normal' way

but it wasn't to be

her temperature rose

my temperature rose too

and we were all whisked into theatre

the epidural went in

causing me to have violent shakes immediately

and then i lost sensation in my chest

too much was administered

i thought i couldn't breathe

i thought i was breathing my final breaths right there

i remember thinking how nothing went as planned

especially the dying-on-the-operating-table bit

i figured if i was dying 

i was going to try hard to hang in there

long enough to meet my lovely girl

to hold her and tell her i loved her

to tell her i was sorry to not be able to to watch her grow up

they told me i was still breathing as normal

but the excess epidural just meant i couldn't feel it

i heard them saying they delivered her

there wasn't a sound

at the same time i drifted in and out of consciousness

desperately hoping they would hurry and let me hold my baby

and there she was

wrapped up tight

she looked like a little eskimo baby

chubby cheeks

black shiny eyes

quiet as a mouse

i forgot about everything else

it was the three of us

everything was perfect

it all happened on this day

eight years ago

she has become

funny

tender-hearted

generous

affectionate

an over protective sister

a lover of animals

a lover of big stuffed toys

a lover of little stuffed toys

an expert on chocolate

goofy

oh yes she is the goofiest kid

and everything else in between

she has become everything we hoped for

and then some...

happy 8th birthday lu-bi-loo

we love you