Saturday, January 12, 2013

on this day eight years ago...

12 hours of labouring
i sucked so hard on that gas inhaler
that my eyes almost popped out
we (finally) got to 9.5cms
i almost got to deliver my first baby
the 'normal' way

but it wasn't to be
her temperature rose
my temperature rose too

and we were all whisked into theatre
the epidural went in
causing me to have violent shakes immediately
and then i lost sensation in my chest
too much was administered
i thought i couldn't breathe
i thought i was breathing my final breaths right there
i remember thinking how nothing went as planned
especially the dying-on-the-operating-table bit

i figured if i was dying 
i was going to try hard to hang in there
long enough to meet my lovely girl
to hold her and tell her i loved her
to tell her i was sorry to not be able to to watch her grow up

they told me i was still breathing as normal
but the excess epidural just meant i couldn't feel it

i heard them saying they delivered her
there wasn't a sound
at the same time i drifted in and out of consciousness
desperately hoping they would hurry and let me hold my baby

and there she was
wrapped up tight
she looked like a little eskimo baby
chubby cheeks
black shiny eyes
quiet as a mouse
i forgot about everything else
it was the three of us
everything was perfect

it all happened on this day
eight years ago

she has become

an over protective sister
a lover of animals
a lover of big stuffed toys
a lover of little stuffed toys
an expert on chocolate
oh yes she is the goofiest kid

and everything else in between

she has become everything we hoped for
and then some...

happy 8th birthday lu-bi-loo

we love you

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